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pursuing other avenues

Not much has been happening on the house-building front; just waiting for John to get caught up on his backlog and get his backside and excavator up here. I finally emailed him, asking if I should just find someone else, and to let me know pronto, or I’d have a word with Santa, and then boy, oh boy, would he be sorry! He called me right away, and had already found a replacement digger for me, and that guy called me promptly at 7:35 the next morning (today).  It really helps to have an “in” at the North Pole, let me tell you.

So it looks like things might start moving again, but in the meantime I’ve been pursuing other avenues to encourage the speedy success of my venture. For starters, I’ve been saying prayers to Saint Helen (see the category  of  posts titled “Saints of the Fifth Dentist) and Blessed Asp regularly, and have promised Saint Justa a prominent place in my new studio if she’ll intercede on my behalf (St. Justa, unlike the others, is a real Saint. Born in AD 268 she and her sister were both potters, who refused to sell pots to Pagans for their rituals. For that, they were fed to lions.).

And as though having Santa Claus and a bunch of Saints on my side weren’t enough, I’ve decided to cover all the bases I can think of, and have found a couple of Wiccan spells to caste to hasten the progress of construction. You might want to try these yourself, or, if you’re too lazy, just suffer the consequences. All I can do is offer you the tools to achieve success. The rest is up to you.


Chip a little of the front door step off and wrap it in a $20 bill. Bury this in front of the front door step or place it under the front door mat so that prospective buyers have to step over it as they enter the house. It will help them think about buying.

Take a green candle and carve five notches in it with a pin. Annoint with black pepper oil and each night for five nights burn the candle down one notch as you say:  “Fire speed my goal to me. My house is sold easily”.

By the sixth day someone will have made an offer.

That sounds easy. Someone send me a green candle.


Mercury is the planetary ruler of Wednesday. He is seen as the guide between the worlds. Witches can work with Mercury to link the material plane of Earth with astral.

You will need:

9 black beans, or seeds of the plant Job’s Tears, 2 white candles, black poppy seeds and oregano ground together to make incense (burn on a charcoal briquet), a Chalice filled with spring water, and access to a crossroads with privacy to dig a hole.

 I’m on it, except for the black poppy seeds. I even have a Chalice, since a priest once asked me to make a pottery one for him, then he never came to get it.

Light the candles, burn the incense and stamp the earth three times to get the attention of the other worlds. Say this incantation solemnly:

“Spirit of air, Guide the dead, Hear my words as they are said. Mighty Ones pay heed to me, Grant my wish, So Mote it Be.”

I think that “mote” just mote be a typo. But that is what’s written, so I’ll say “mote”. Dang it all, if you are going to do something, I say, do it right.

Spread the nine beans in a row. Whisper one word of your wish to each one. Its important that your wish have exactly nine words. Sprinkle them with water from the Chalice then take them in your hand and pass them through the smoke of the incense. Now bury the beans at the crossroads. When you have covered them place your hand over the spot and say: “My gratitude to the Mighty Dead.” Then turn around and leave without looking back.

I’ll need those poppy seeds by next Wednesday. But don’t feed me to the lions. Are Wiccans technically Pagans? Do you suppose St. Justa will overlook this little witchy ritual if I’m not using pots in it? Oh, right, I am. The Chalice. Now what? I’m going to either have to risk offending one of my patrons, or forego the aid of the Mighty Dead. Given how useful Santa Claus has been, I’m saying this is a real dilemma. What do you think?


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