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Whimsical definitions

Here is the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter – and supply a new definition.

1. Cashtration (n.):
The act of buying (or building) a house,
which renders the subject financially
impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus :
A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3 Intaxication :
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize that it was your money to
start with.

4. Reintarnation:
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.):
The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating.
The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little
sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy :
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti:
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm :
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte:
To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.

10. Hipatitis :
Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis:
A degenerate disease.
(This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon :
It’s when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes
and it’s a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.):
The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido :
All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.):
The frantic dance performed just after y ou’ve
accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.):
Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.):
The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you’re eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

1. Coffee, n.
The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj.
Appalled by discovering how much weight one
has gained.

3. Abdicate, v.
To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v.
To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-Nilly, adj.

6. Negligent , adj.
Absentmindedly answering the door when
wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v.
To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n.
Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n.
Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n.
A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n.
A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n.
The formal, dignified bearing adopted by

13. Pokemon, n.
A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n.
A person who sprinkles his conversation with

15. Frisbeetarianism, n.
The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto
the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n.
An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.


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